As my undergraduate career winds down, and the pressures of job hunting race through my mind, I am continuously reminded of who I was, and who I continue to be. This came up recently because I’ve had parents of childhood friends and teachers who have known me since I was 6, on Facebook nonetheless, tell me how much I haven’t changed, how I still have the same spark or spunk that I’ve always had since I was a child. How I still dance in public when I hear my favorite song since I was 2, or how I’m essentially still a tomboy after all these years. Now that I think about it, what they say is true, I never really changed, I just matured. I grew up.
I know people have a lot of opinions about me. I’m not naive, I make mistakes, but for the most part, I don’t really care. I never said I was perfect, but I never wanted to be perfect or normal, because that’s hella boring. I’ve always spoken my mind, said things that I regret, and said a shit ton of things that I don’t regret. I’ve always done that, it’s who I am, it’s how I was raised.
I guess the only thing that did change was me being able open up and show the world that I do have emotions. As much as I would like to keep up a strong appearance, the older I get the more I need to let go. I’ve driven myself mad more than once in my life keeping everything bottled up and because of that, I’ve burdened people with my unnecessary drama and stubbornness. If I had just been more open with my friends and family earlier in my life, I would’ve avoided all of the BS I put them through, but….. it is what it is. I don’t see it as a regret anymore, I see it as a life experience. I didn’t lose any friends like I once thought I did, those periods have actually shown me how loved I really am, and even if I think I don’t deserve the people who are in my life, God has a way of continuously reminding me how blessed I really am.
As I embark on the next chapter of my life as a professional, I realize: I. Am. Enough. Everything I have done so far has proven to me that I don’t need to change, and that I never will. Nobody else can dictate who I am or who/what I should become and… in all honesty… that’s all I really needed to know.